


Memories To Contend With

by CeceAsh



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-23 14:12:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11404080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeceAsh/pseuds/CeceAsh
Summary: Ever since Carmilla could remember, Laura Hollis was a loser. She was the nerdy girl with glasses. The girl who wore dorky animal sweaters. The girl who always brought lunch from home and ate alone in the library. The girl who actually liked school and did her homework in class. The girl who most people voted for Student Council President only because they would never hear the end of it otherwise. The girl who outwardly seemed to have an endless amount of optimism, even though her eyes held such sadness. The girl with no friends.





	Memories To Contend With

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: brief mentions of physical abuse.

**"No matter where we come from or where we're going, we've all got memories to contend with, and it's always best not to do this alone." -Madeleine Peyroux**

* * *

 

 

Ever since Carmilla could remember, Laura Hollis was a loser. She was the nerdy girl with glasses. The girl who wore dorky animal sweaters. The girl who always brought lunch from home and ate alone in the library. The girl who actually liked school and did her homework in class. The girl who most people voted for Student Council President only because they would never hear the end of it otherwise. The girl who outwardly seemed to have an endless amount of optimism, even though her eyes held such sadness. The girl with no friends.

 

**//-//**

 

IN KINDERGARTEN, Laura discovered that their Vice Principal was stealing money from the candy-gram fund. While the adults applauded her, the kids wondered why she cared so much. He’d been a nice, fun guy who everyone loved. And she’d gotten him fired. So started her life as an outcast, though she had never really been a part of any group to begin with. Laura wasn’t like them, even back then.

 

**//-//**

 

IN FIRST GRADE, Laura was the only one in the class to not receive a valentine in her handmade box. Carmilla had paid attention to the girl, who sat a table away from her, watching her drag out gluing hearts on the side of her box while the rest of the class walked around putting valentine’s cards in their friends’ boxes. Even though Carmilla couldn’t see the girl’s face, because it was hidden behind a wall of blonde hair, she could imagine that it didn’t let on how she really felt, but her posture was unusually slumped. Defeated. Sad. By now, Carmilla knew what it was like to feel that lonely, even if she had “friends”, was invited to sleepovers, and received valentines in her box, it was all an act. She did her best to casually fit in, not wanting to stand out. If she stood out, people would notice her, and anyone looking too closely might see the cracks in her facade (or her bruises). Laura was clearly a strong girl, but Carmilla wished that she didn’t have to be. When it was time for recess, Carmilla quickly got one of her unused valentines and wrote a quick message on it. _Dont let the meanies get you down. Happy Valentine’s Day, Laura._ She kept it hidden in her pocket as everyone lined up, then as she passed Laura’s desk, she slipped it into her box, unnoticed because she was at the back of the line, and got back into place like nothing was amiss. There was no way that Carmilla could make up for how the kids treated Laura, but she hoped that this one card let her know that someone did care about her.

 

**//-//**

 

IN SECOND GRADE, Laura had somehow convinced a couple of the new kids to leave the playground so they could pet a dog. They hadn’t even been off school property. The fence where the dog ran along every day was located between the playground and the soccer field where they would have gym class some days. It was and off-limits area any other time. Everyone thought it was a stupid rule, but Laura was the only one that challenged it. They had waited until the teachers on duty weren’t watching, and they had made their run for it. Carmilla had watched them from the top of the jungle gym where she was sitting not too far away. Laura lead the charge with a confident stride, where the others behind her increasingly got more and more paranoid, but still followed. The dog ran up to where they were, tail wagging happily, excited to have some attention. Laura smiled one of her rare, uninhibited smiles, no sadness detected in her eyes as she scratched the dog’s head as best as she could through the chain link. It hadn’t lasted long, though. It all unraveled because one kid decided that it wasn’t worth it and booked it back onto the playground, in the process catching the attention of one of the teachers, who promptly, ran over and scolded Laura and her uneasy followers. Unfortunately, that night was a parent/teacher conference, and Laura and the other kids not only got in trouble with the teacher, but their parents as well. Laura took most of the blame since it was her idea. No one would bothered to listen to anymore of her offbeat ideas after that.

 

**//-//**

 

IN THIRD GRADE, Laura was absent for a good two months. No one except the teacher seemed to know why, and the class wasn’t told anything other than it was a private matter. Not that her classmates actually cared, but Laura had had perfect attendance for her entire school career thus far, so it was extremely weird that she would miss a day, let alone two months worth. Of course, the kids came up with a million ridiculous stories as to why she was gone. That she was so annoying that someone paid a hitman to take her out. That she was finally leaving to be homeschooled (though that didn’t make sense since her Dad was apparently still picking up her homework assignments). The theories were unnecessarily mean, and Carmilla felt the urge to punch someone whenever it was brought up. And when Laura did return, there was something different about her. She didn’t sit up straight like she usually did. She didn’t raise her hand at every question the teacher asked. She didn’t write down the notes on the board, and she stared straight ahead of her at the wall when she would usually be working on her assignments. Carmilla knew that look. That emptiness she sometimes glimpsed in her Mother when the woman thought that she was alone. Loss. But what exactly had Laura lost? Carmilla wasn’t one to pry, or care enough to pry, but the girl was already picked on constantly or ignored by her peers. If she was indeed dealing with something traumatic, Carmilla worried for her more than usual. Wanting to do something, she revisited something she’d done last year: she wrote a note. _I don’t know what happened to you, but I’m sorry. Seeing you sad is like watching the light from the sun fade to darkness. I hope you can get some of that light back soon._ It was cheesy as Hell, but the truth. And when recess came, she snuck the note into the book on Laura’s desk, leaving it for the girl to find.

 

**//-//**

 

IN FOURTH GRADE, Laura was back to her normal self. Or at least she appeared to be at school. Carmilla didn’t know what happened behind closed doors when she went home, but at least the stupid theories about her absence the year prior had finally stopped, and everything seemed to be back to normal. More so when Laura started a petition in an attempt to remove Old Yeller from the required reading list. Not only was it a very sad book and she wanted to read something more uplifting, but she argued that it was a bit too graphic for fourth graders to be exposed to. Especially since the plan was to watch the movie after they were done with the book and had taken a quiz. Carmilla agreed that a book where a boy had to shoot his own dog was a bit too much for a bunch of nine year olds, so when Laura wasn’t looking, she signed the petition. Her name was the third on the list made for fifty signatures, but she knew it would never get filled up. While the book and movie wouldn’t have bothered her, she could see that there were a few other classmates that felt the same as Laura, but chose not to voice their opinion or sign the petition. Not having enough signatures, the girl had to admit defeat. Laura and her Dad had not been happy, but the school board had found no issue with the teacher’s choice. They wanted kids to read the classics, so they were going to read the classics. The day that they watched the movie, Laura was absent. After the teacher had dismissed the students at the end of the day so they could board the buses home, Carmilla asked the teacher where Laura was. The teacher said that she was out sick, but they both knew that was a lie. Laura had skipped it in protest. Carmilla admired her for sticking to her guns.

 

**//-//**

 

IN FIFTH GRADE, Laura came to school without glasses for the first time since Carmilla knew her. She could tell that the girl was a little insecure about the change. It was almost as if her glasses had been a barrier, keeping those around her at a distance, never showing her cards. Now that that was gone, she didn’t really seem to know what to do. Carmilla also realized that other people most likely didn’t notice. She was the one paying too much attention to someone that was essentially a stranger. She’d never spoken a single word to Laura, yet there was still something that made her feel a connection with the girl. She saw her for who she was: someone that craved friendship and acceptance, but wasn’t going to grovel to the kids who had treated her poorly since they met. Carmilla identified, but not in the same way. She craved a relationship with someone that she could talk to about anything and everything with, but was also scared at the thought of being vulnerable. Without her anonymity, Carmilla felt vulnerable. Much like how she imagined Laura felt without her glasses.

 

**//-//**

 

IN SIXTH GRADE, Laura wasn't in Carmilla’s class for the first time in five years. It was something that she had to get used to, but wished she didn’t have to. Maybe it was weird that she was disappointed that a girl she never interacted with wasn’t in her class, but there had always been a sense of comfort with her presence. Laura had always been there. Other than the abuse at home, Laura was pretty much Carmilla’s only constant. Something that she could rely on. And now that was gone. Sure, she saw her in the cafeteria at lunchtime, and on the playground at recess. Carmilla had taken up sitting against the wall and reading a book while the other kids played, but she would also look up every few minutes to check on the blonde. Sometimes Laura brought a book of her own too, but she would always sit on the same swing and read as she swung gently back and forth. On those days, Carmilla wondered if Laura ever thought about joining her against the wall. Maybe she thought that wasn’t wise, since Carmilla didn’t exactly give off the “you can sit next to me” vibe. Maybe one day things could be different. She could hope. Even though sometimes she thought all the hope had been beaten out of her. But every once in awhile a sliver of hope would make itself known. If Laura could make it through years of ridicule and loneliness, Carmilla could make it through her own crap as well.

 

**//-//**

 

IN SEVENTH GRADE, Laura seemed to finally be coming into her own. While the animal sweaters and button-ups had been cute in a dorky way (in Carmilla’s opinion), she now sported Doctor Who and Buffy The Vampire Slayer graphic tees. The other kids who had known her for years had noticed as well, but thankfully left her alone. If anything, they actually seemed impressed with the change, but Laura didn’t pay them any mind. The girl seemed to have found a newfound energy for life when she was being active in things like going after the lead in the school musical, and in the way she wrote meaningful articles for the school newspaper. But it was in the quiet moments like when she was the only one without a study partner in class, or when she ate alone in the library at lunch that Carmilla could still see that loneliness inside of her. Some things had changed, but others had stayed the same. When Valentine’s Day rolled around, Carmilla felt the need to leave her note. She’d done it every year that they had classes together, but since she missed a year, she felt the extra need for it now. _Roses are red, violets are blue, no one else’s beauty could ever compare to you. I hope you have a lovely Valentine’s Day. -Your Secret Admirer (_ _bigblackcat@yahoo.com_ _)._ Carmilla slipped that note through the slit in Laura’s locker, and waited. Her heart pounded with anticipation. It may have been the most vomit-worthy thing she’s ever written, but she had a feeling Laura liked that kind of thing. She’d also left her email address on a whim, and she hoped that she wouldn’t regret it. Maybe this would be a step forward for her.

 

_(5:14pm) laura_2_the_letter: If this is some sort of elaborate scheme to try and get me to befriend and trust you enough to divulge something private about myself and then you screenshot it, print it, and plaster it all over school, then save your time and mine, and give up already._

**_(5:15pm) bigblackcat: That’s a very specific scenario you just came up with._ **

_(5:15pm) laura_2_the_letter: I’ve seen enough teen movies to know what not to do._

**_(5:16pm) bigblackcat: I’m not here to do anything like that to you._ **

_(5:16pm) laura_2_the_letter: Then why do you want to talk to me?_

**_(5:17pm) bigblackcat: Look, you don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to. I just thought that you might want a friend._ **

_(5:18pm) laura_2_the_letter: So this is an offer for a pity friendship. Nice._

**_(5:18pm) bigblackcat: No, that’s not what I meant…_ **

_(5:18pm) laura_2_the_letter: Then what did you mean?_

**_(5:19pm) bigblackcat: I have a feeling that no matter what I say, you’re going to accuse me of something nefarious. I’m sorry I upset you. We can just forget this ever happened._  **

Yup, that went well.

 

**//-//**

 

IN EIGHTH GRADE, Laura reached out to Carmilla a few weeks after school started.

 

_(4:38pm) laura_2_the_letter: So are you?_

**_(4:38pm) bigblackcat: What?_ **

_(4:39pm) laura_2_the_letter: A big black cat._

**_(4:40pm) bigblackcat: It would be a little hard to type with such big paws, if I was._ **

_(4:40pm) laura_2_the_letter: May I ask why that is your screen name then?_

**_(4:41pm) bigblackcat: “Black as the pit and terrible as a demon was Bagheera.” I always loved that._ **

_(4:42pm) laura_2_the_letter: Ah, a Jungle Book fan. Not what I was expecting, I admit._

**_(4:42pm) bigblackcat: Maybe you shouldn’t make assumptions then._ **

_(4:43pm) laura_2_the_letter: Right. That’s actually why I messaged you in the first place. I’m sorry for how I reacted last year. I just am used to not trusting people._

**_(4:43pm) bigblackcat: I understand._ **

_(4:44pm) laura_2_the_letter: Do you?_

**_(4:44pm) bigblackcat: I do go to school with you after all. So, yes. I’ve seen how people have treated you over the years. I can definitely understand why you would be skeptical of my intentions. I just hadn’t thought of it at the time, I was more nervous than anything._ **

_(4:45pm) laura_2_the_letter: Nervous?_

**_(4:45pm) bigblackcat: You know, putting a note with my contact information in a cute girl’s locker isn’t something I do every day. So yes, I was nervous._ **

_(4:46pm) laura_2_the_letter: Well you have kept your contact info to yourself until now, but you have given me a note every year. Well, except for one._

**_(4:47pm) bigblackcat: So you figured out it was me. And I wasn’t in your class that year, that’s why._ **

_(4:47pm) laura_2_the_letter: It took me a while. I thought it was someone different because the handwriting wasn’t the same, and you never signed it with anything before._

**_(4:48pm) bigblackcat: I tried to class it up a bit with some neat handwriting. I watched some calligraphy videos on YouTube and everything._ **

_(4:49pm) laura_2_the_letter: I’m flattered. All the trouble for me? It was beautifully done._

**_(4:49pm) bigblackcat: Not much trouble. But it was worth it since you liked it._ **

_(4:50pm) laura_2_the_letter: I really liked all your cards through the years. It made me actually look forward to Valentine’s Day._

**_(4:51pm) bigblackcat: You’re welcome._ **

_(4:52pm) laura_to_the_letter: I hope you don’t mind me asking, but I’m curious. What gender do you identify as?_

**_(4:52pm) bigblackcat: That was a very modern way of asking if I’m a boy or girl._ **

_(4:53pm) laura_2_the_letter: That was a not so sly way of avoiding the question._

**_(4:53pm) bigblackcat: I’m a girl. Does that...gross you out?_ **

_(4:54pm) laura_2_the_letter: Quite the opposite actually. I always suspected that you were a girl, but now that I know for sure, I’m relieved. Guys aren’t really my thing._

**_(4:55pm) bigblackcat: Then at least we have that in common._ **

_(4:56pm) laura_2_the_letter: I would appreciate if that stayed between you and I though._

**_(4:57pm) bigblackcat: And here I thought we were building a trust. My lips are sealed._ **

_(4:57pm) laura_2_the_letter: It’s kind of hard to when you know who I am but I don’t know who you are._

**_(4:58pm) bigblackcat: I can’t give away all my secrets so soon, or I’ll lose my air of mystery._ **

 

**//-//**

 

IN FRESHMAN YEAR, Laura ran for Student Council President. She went all out. There were large, handmade posters that hung in all the major hallways of the high school, and smaller black and white xerox copies that were put on bulletin boards and taped to doors. She even wore her own buttons with her face on them. Carmilla thought it was adorable, and loved that Laura had a bounce in her step that wasn’t there before. Maybe this was when things were going to turn around for her.

 

_(7:13pm) laura_2_the_letter: I can’t believe Theo Straka is running against me. He barely pays attention in his classes and copies his homework off of the poor girl that sits next to him in English._

**_(7:14pm) bigblackcat: All the more reason for you to kick his ass. In votes._ **

_(7:14pm) laura_2_the_letter: Though I could kick his butt in fighting. Sure he’s taller and is more buff, but my Dad has made me take Krav Maga lessons since I was five._

**_(7:15pm) bigblackcat: Remind me to never get in your way._ **

_(7:16pm) laura_2_the_letter: Well, if you did get in my way I wouldn’t know it now, would I? All the more reason to tell me your secret identity._

**_(7:17pm) bigblackcat: By now I feel like you’ve built my identity up in your head so much that if I told you now, no matter what it would be a major let down._ **

_(7:18pm) laura_2_the_letter: Definitely not true. Besides, I have a few guesses as to who you are anyway._

**_(7:19pm) bigblackcat: Is that so?_ **

_(7:19pm) laura_2_the_letter: Yes. You’ve given a couple clues without knowing it. You said that you were in the same class as me every year but sixth grade, so that narrows it down. And if you are telling the truth, I can eliminate the boys. And you’re a lesbian, so I can also eliminate the girls that have boyfriends. Unless you’re using a guy as a beard?_

**_(7:20pm) bigblackcat: Ew._ **

_(7:20pm) laura_2_the_letter: I’ll take that as a no. So, if my calculations are correct, there are three girls that you could be._

**_(7:21pm) bigblackcat: And which one would you like me to be?_ **

_(7:21) laura_2_the_letter: I’m not telling you._

**_(7:21pm) bigblackcat: Why not?_ **

_(7:22pm) laura_2_the_letter: Because if I say and it ends up not being you, that would be mortifying._

**_(7:22pm) bigblackcat: Well you have a one in three chance of being right. That’s not too bad odds._ **

_(7:23pm) laura_2_the_letter: Yeah, still not guessing. But I would like it if you to told me yourself._

**_(7:24pm) bigblackcat: You’ll definitely be disappointed._ **

 

Carmilla was certain that whoever the other two girls in the running were, Laura’s pick was one of them. Nobody would pick the punk girl who keeps to herself and skips classes, and occasionally gets detention. Especially not the girl that gets straight A’s, likes Doctor Who, and ended up winning Student Council President. It was better this way.

 

**//-//**

 

IN SOPHOMORE YEAR, Laura won Student Council President for the second time. Nobody had even bothered to run against her. Carmilla felt a lot of pride for her in that. It seemed like Laura was finally finding her place. Sure, it was among a bunch of irritating overachievers, but Carmilla was happy that Laura was happy, even if it meant less communication on their end.

_(5:20pm) laura_2_the_letter: Hey._

**_(5:21pm) bigblackcat: Hey. I was starting to think you forgot about me :p_ **

_(5:21pm) laura_2_the_letter: Of course not, I’ve just been so busy :/_

**_(5:21pm) bigblackcat: I get it, Ms. Student Council President. Not everyone is a slacker like me._ **

_(5:22pm) laura_2_the_letter: I got a little in over my head. Yeah, Student Council is one thing, but pile on homework, the musical, and I volunteered with helping new students acclimate and find their way around._

**_(5:22pm) bigblackcat: Acclimate? You make it sound like they are from a different planet. High school is high school._ **

_(5:23pm) laura_2_the_letter: We have a few new people from different countries, so culturally things are a little different. I’m also helping a two of them with their english._

**_(5:23pm) bigblackcat: And how come you are the one doing all these things? Isn’t there someone, you know, professionally equipped to help teach english for foreigners and help them get all sorted out?_ **

_(5:24pm) laura_2_the_letter: Hah! Not since the budget cuts. They let go all of the “unnecessary” jobs. That being one of them._

**_(5:25pm) bigblackcat: Just don’t push yourself too hard. People get sick from that shit._ **

_(5:26pm) laura_2_the_letter: You worried about me? That’s sweet._

**_(5:27pm) bigblackcat: I’m anything but sweet._ **

_(5:27pm) laura_2_the_letter: Your track record says differently. I have years worth of Valentine’s Day cards to prove it._

**_(5:27pm) bigblackcat: You kept those?_ **

_(5:28pm) laura_2_the_letter: Of course I did. It was one of the only things that kept me going at times. So don’t try and act tough and emotionless with me. I know you feel like you have to keep up your loner bad girl image for everyone else, but you don’t have to for me._

**_(5:30pm) bigblackcat: It sounds like you know who I am._ **

_(5:30pm) laura_2_the_letter: I had a guess as to who you were years ago, since you were one of the only kids that wasn't mean to me, but I wasn’t 100% sure. But since we’ve been talking like this, you’ve let some details slip. And my suspicions were confirmed pretty fast._

**_(5:31pm) bigblackcat: And you’re not disappointed?_ **

_(5:32pm) laura_2_the_letter: Why would I be?_

**_(5:33pm) bigblackcat: I don’t know. I’m not exactly everyone’s dream girl._ **

_(5:33pm) laura_2_the_letter: Have you looked in a mirror?_

**_(5:34pm) bigblackcat: Too bad this face doesn’t come with an equally nice personality._ **

_(5:34pm) laura_2_the_letter: You are nice. Sarcastic at times, but still nice._

**_(5:35pm) bigblackcat: Only for you._ **

 

**//-//**

 

IN JUNIOR YEAR, Laura pulled back from most of her school activities to focus on Student Council. She hated to have to give up participating in the musicals, but it was either that or the school newspaper, and since she wanted to be a journalist, that was something she wanted to keep participating in for all four years so she could put it on her college applications. This was also the year that two students from a nearby school transferred, and almost instantly became friends with Laura. Carmilla found the two seemingly inseparable gingers irritating from afar, but she was relieved that Laura had finally found some actual friends. Even though Laura knew that Carmilla was the one behind all the cards over the years, and the girl that she’s been IM-ing with for the past couple years, they still kept their distance. Occasionally, they would catch each other’s eyes in the hall or in the few classes they shared. A small smile was usually exchanged, but that’s all that came of it. No matter how much Carmilla wanted to, she couldn’t bring herself to go over and talk to her. The thought of getting close to Laura made her heart do funny things, but she had to stay away. Carmilla couldn’t risk anyone, especially Laura, finding out about what went on in her home life. Besides, she only had to deal with it for two more years, then she would be free.

 

_(10:12pm) laura_2_the_letter: Hey._

**_(10:13pm) bigblackcat: Isn’t it past your bedtime?_ **

_(10:13pm) laura_2_the_letter: ...Maybe. But my head is so busy I can’t sleep._

**_(10:14pm) bigblackcat: Busy with what?_ **

_(10:15pm) laura_2_the_letter: The usual. Student Council. The newspaper. College. You._

**_(10:16pm) bigblackcat: And why am I included?_ **

_(10:16pm) laura_2_the_letter: Because you irritate me._

**_(10:17pm) bigblackcat: Wow, way to make a girl feel special._ **

_(10:18pm) laura_2_the_letter: You are special, that’s the problem._

**_(10:19pm) bigblackcat: I don’t think I’m following._ **

_(10:20pm) laura_2_the_letter: You barely message me anymore._

**_(10:20pm) bigblackcat: You don’t need me. You have real friends now._ **

_(10:21pm) laura_2_the_letter: You are a real friend. And I may not need you like I used to, but I want you._

_(10:26pm) laura_2_the_letter: Don’t be like that._

**_(10:27pm) bigblackcat: Like what?_ **

_(10:27pm) laura_2_the_letter: Whenever I say something heartfelt, you go silent._

**_(10:28pm) bigblackcat: I’m not really the touchy-feely type._ **

_(10:28pm) laura_2_the_letter: Says the girl who gave me handmade Valentine’s Day cards for years._

**_(10:29pm) bigblackcat: You’re never gonna let that go, are you?_ **

_(10:30pm) laura_2_the_letter: I just thought we were building towards something._

**_(10:31pm) bigblackcat: What?_ **

_(10:32pm) laura_2_the_letter: I don’t know, an actual relationship?_

**_(10:34pm) bigblackcat: I don’t know what to say._ **

_(10:35pm) laura_2_the_letter: Literally anything?_

_(10:40pm) laura_2_the_letter: Why won’t you let me in?_

**_(10:42pm) bigblackcat: I could ask you the same question._ **

 

**//-//**

 

IN SENIOR YEAR, Laura was a tiny ball of stress. She was nervous about applying to colleges, even though she was a straight A student that didn’t have anything to worry about. And while Carmilla gave the appearance of a slacker that didn’t give a shit about schoolwork, she actually turned in all her assignments and got stellar grades. Both girls were applying to multiple colleges. Some in the United States and Canada, and a few abroad. That’s mostly what they had been talking about recently. After things had gotten a bit strained between them, Laura had made a point to not bring up personal matters, and Carmilla had definitely noticed and felt guilty. She was just trying to protect herself, which she’d been doing pretty much all her life. It was hard to be the one to open up and lay it all out on the table for another person to see. She’d made herself relatively invisible, or at the very least unapproachable, at school for a reason. However, she still had Laura’s words burned into her mind. She wanted a relationship with her. Even knowing that Carmilla was the one she’s been talking to, she still wanted her. And Carmilla wanted Laura too. But could they really work toward that? One day, apparently Laura had had enough of skirting around things...

 

_(4:55pm) laura_2_the_letter: So...I’ve been thinking._

**_(4:56pm) bigblackcat: Don’t hurt yourself, now._ **

_(4:57pm) laura_2_the_letter: Ok, I’m going to need you to be serious with me for a few minutes._

**_(4:57pm) bigblackcat: What’s wrong?_ **

_(4:57pm) laura_2_the_letter: Nothing is wrong. I’ve just been ruminating on some things._

**_(4:58pm) bigblackcat: Care to share?_ **

_(4:59pm) laura_2_the_letter: I don’t know if you’ll remember this, but...there was a time in third grade where I wasn’t really myself._

**_(5:00pm) bigblackcat: Yeah, I remember. You were gone for like two months._ **

_(5:01pm) laura_2_the_letter: I’ve never talked about this to anyone except my therapist, but, I was gone because my mom died._

**_(5:02pm) bigblackcat: Shit, Laura. I’m sorry._ **

_(5:03pm) laura_2_the_letter: The ninth anniversary of her death is coming up. I want to visit her grave, but I don’t know if I can do it alone, and I don’t want to upset my dad. I know that we don’t really hang out in person for whatever reason, but do you think you could come with me?_

**_(5:03pm) bigblackcat: Are...you sure? I’m really not the best when it comes to feelings._ **

_(5:04pm) laura_2_the_letter: You’re the person I trust most._

**_(5:06pm) bigblackcat: Okay._ **

_(5:07pm) laura_2_the_letter: This is me trying to open up. Something I’ve asked of you, but hadn’t done myself. It’s hard. It’s something I try not to think about too much._

**_(5:08pm) bigblackcat: My mother isn’t the greatest person. She puts on a happy face for everyone, but at home...she’s enjoys being cruel._ **

_(5:08pm) laura_2_the_letter: I don’t want you to feel pressure to tell me things._

**_(5:09pm) bigblackcat: I can’t tell you everything. Not yet. But it’s only fair I share some things too._ **

 

Later that night, Carmilla typed one more thing to Laura before she closed her laptop and went to bed.

 

**_(11:32pm) bigblackcat: I think I’m ready to start building towards that relationship with you._ **

 

**//-//**

 

IN THE SUMMER AFTER GRADUATION, Laura and Carmilla, for the first time in both of their lives, felt free. They were free of the stress of schoolwork, but also free of the people they were forced to be surround by. Laura was free of the people that bullied and shunned her for most of her life, and Carmilla was free of feeling like she had to be invisible to survive. As soon as she graduated, she had packed up all her clothes and belongings and moved into a small hotel room for the time being. She only had to wait a couple weeks until her birthday, when she received a trust fund left by her father. He’d put it in place before he left, probably hoping that it would help make up for him not being in her life. It didn’t, but she wasn’t going to say no to a shit ton of money that would get her away from her Mother and into college. Because of this newfound freedom, Carmilla finally opened up about her situation that she’d been dealing with for years. Laura understandably wanted to go to the police, but Carmilla told her that it would do no good. Her Mother had enough money to bribe or just plain buy her way out of anything. The important thing now was that she was no longer in the woman’s grasp. She could do what she wanted. And what she wanted was to be with Laura.

 

They shared their first kiss in Laura’s room, on her bed surrounded by stuffed animals, while an episode of Buffy played on the TV in the background. It was everything Carmilla had imagined, dork factor and all. And sometimes when she would look over at Laura, she could hardly believe that this was her life now. She actually got to be happy, and be with the girl she’s had a crush on since she can remember.

 

As the weeks passed and Carmilla’s bruises faded, Laura felt like her heart had grown three sizes. Enough to where sometimes it felt like her chest was going to burst. She was happy to finally be done with high school, happy to finally have Carmilla really in her life where she could hug and kiss her whenever she wanted, and she was happy that she actually had a small group of friends that she could rely on. Things seemed like they were really coming together.

 

They had both gotten into a few of the same colleges, but Laura wasn’t as lucky as Carmilla in the money department, so she was limited in what she could afford. Not wanting to be long distance now that they were finally together, they chose to attend Silas University in Austria. Yes, it was very far away, which Laura’s Dad wasn’t the most excited about, but it catered to both girl’s needs. It had one of the best Journalism programs in the world for Laura, and had probably the best Philosophy teacher in Europe for Carmilla. It was an unexpected choice for the both of them, but it would be an adventure that they were excited to go on together.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not really sure why I wrote this. I woke up one morning with a very small idea and just started writing, and this is what came of it. I don’t know if it’s any good, but if I didn’t post it, it would have felt like a waste of time. So there you go. I hope at least a few of you enjoyed it.


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